aside from the brief moments when i just want to be a writer, a filmmaker or some other sort of pretentious, artsy fool, i am most inclined to a business-first state of mind. why? i guess it started with my idolization of microsoft – the way it was founded by Bill Gates and Paul Allen, the way it blossomed with some luck and maneuvering and the way it was so often hated because it was just so damn successful. i didn’t mind that they stole ideas from other companies, notably apple – which i admire in some ways, but often feel contempt towards the brand because it whores itself to people who think they are trendy and chic with computers. i remember the days when i used to fetch the New York Times from my front yard each morning, flipping immediately to the sports section to read about the Knicks and then flipping to the Business section to read the latest about Microsoft taking over Quicken or Microsoft battling it out with Netscape. i just loved the way Microsoft always beat quarterly estimates, put a lot of money back into research and development and refused to back down. of course, people might ask about their monopolistic behavior and their predatory ways and how i could possibly side with such an unscrupulous company, but i don’t know – i guess it’s kind of like the same way some people still love the yankees.

that is to say, the only microsoft product i’ve bought – besides their mice – was windows 95. i fundraised with kids around my neighborhood about 9 years ago through garage sales, and placed an order with tiger direct to have it shipped to my house on the day of its release. that was hotness. of course, it was only after three or four reinstallations that i finally got it to work, but i was thoroughly pleased with the new interface. i made my round around town installing windows on all my friends’ computers (mr. gates would not be too pleased to learn about that). since then, i’ve been using bootleg copies and oem pre-installed versions of office and windows, but i still have lots of love for the big M.

now, why did i write about Microsoft? it’s sort of random, but i guess i was trying to talk about how i value performance and being on top. considering that we are plugged into a capitalistic system, it may be the “right” frame of mind to have. but this is all so very ironic to me because my appreciation for a huge capitalist machine such as Microsoft underscores the profit-driven, success-oriented culture that has impressed itself in me throughout my life. i’m on my way to being just another cog in the machine. but there’s another spin to it because those who disdain the capitalist ways and feel that they are “above” the money-making, material grubbing lifestyle are often no better! people talk about “selling out” (i’ve surely made this point with hidden envy at those who go into finance) and love to criticize people who go into banking, law, etc. but why the bitterness? i feel like in our awesome (does that come off too sarcastically?) capitalist society, money isn’t the primary commodity, but status (i am totally copying tom wolfe here – i read about it in a chicago tribune article from the early 1990s) dominates.

i have a friend who got into med school as a junior in college (one of those early programs) and is well-respected for his high grades and great work ethic. why do you want to be a doctor? to help people, of course. to make advances in medicine. but how about the prestige? what about the “doctor” title? or how about continuing your family’s lineage of male doctors? surely, such perks/pressures have factored themselves in some way or another into the life decision. that is not to say it’s a bad thing, because who is ever able to resist being good at something and being admired for it? but my point is, more often than not, people do things because they are taught (somewhat programmed) to achieve a certain status for themselves. some may have lofty status expectations while others may be willing to settle, but if people all had it their way, who wouldn’t want to be a Microsoft?

what do parents love to talk about? my son/daughter goes to school X, which is prestigious. my son/daughter works here, makes this much, is good at such and such. nothing wrong with bragging about your genetic offspring, but besides giving their son/daughter a free promotion, what’s in it for them? status! oh, you – as a parent – raised a child of such caliber? awesome! my mom told me that much of the ivy league euphoria (me at columbia, my sister at dartmouth) has faded away because you can only tell so many people so many times before you really don’t think it’s a big deal. but perhaps if i had been at harvard, yale or princeton, it would’ve lasted longer for my parents. oh well. but status reigns!

so when i think about Microsoft and its awesome status, i ask myself – how can i, as an individual, be great like that? and i guess, in a somewhat-sad-but-oh-well kind of way, that’s the way life keeps moving along. oh yeah, i like that girl because we get along and she’s cool, but how will she come across to my friends? parents? will she look good and make me look good? that internship – how will it beef up my resume? how will it impress my peers? will i be able to meet people who can hook me up with a job? the benchpress – yeah, i don’t lift as much as some other kids my size, but for an asian dude, i am pretty strong. i can bench more than a lot of my friends and that makes me feel good about myself and allows me to gain a certain status – awesome, cool, i want to keep doing it. sweet. wonder when that JD or MBA will come along [damn, i always make a point of mentioning that every freaking entry]. ha.