Category Archives: wasted keystrokes

a sorry attempt at writing something that sort of resembles stream of consciousness, but devoid of insight.

We Won’t Be Living There Anymore

note: a little warning – some nauseating sentimentality included!

My parents and grandmother will be moving to Atlanta in less than ten days, and this weekend, I found myself in Edison, throwing out and packing up all of the clothes, papers, and books in my room. It’s very difficult not to get sentimental or even nostalgic in these sort of situations. Although I have spent the greater part of the past five years in New York, I’ve always gone “back home” to Edison to visit my family and to get away from the city. Going through all of the things that reminded me of my past – the journals from childhood, the graded papers from high school and college, the photos and trophies from football, the overambitious plans to build my own mini media empire – I was struck by how quickly time has passed and how a memory of over five or ten years ago can be vividly recalled and yet also seem so distant. Reading through birthday cards from friends and letters from past sweethearts, I stopped to think of all the friendships and romances that have come and gone, and how in the face of such transience, my existing relationships seem that much more fragile and precious. It’s easy to get emotional when you begin to see familiar things disappear. The loss of a physical space, where I ate and laughed with my family, where we watched Korean dramas, and where we found comfort and quiet in our individual spaces — it’s the start of something new for me and a realization of my immaturity in such circumstances. Having been close to home during college and blessed with a stable, healthy family, I took everything for granted and hardly guessed that such a day would come. And though something as benign as a family’s relocation may seem trivial to those who have suffered worse tragedies, I can’t say that I won’t be affected or that I won’t be longing for the days when I could take the New Jersey Transit to Metropark and be at the dining table in five minutes, waiting for my mother to deliver the plate of meat and my father bringing out the bottle of beer.

My grandmother, ripe and energetic at seventy-six, sat next to me while I cleaned out my room. She wondered if we would ever again have the opportunity to sit next to each other alone for an extended time. “This is probably it,” she said to me. She told me how she had lived too long and was very much ready to die. “I wish God would take me away before I become older and sick and a burden to everyone,” she said. “I pray for it every day.” I could only tell her that she was so healthy and that she would have a good time in Atlanta. She told me that she was often bored and tired of living. “I had my fun raising you and Dawn. It was such a wonderful time, and look how well you two turned out. I can’t ask for anything for than that,” she told me. As the self-absorbed individual that I am, observing such selfless acts of devotion and caring makes me question what it really means to have lived a fulfilling and meaningful life. Individual accomplishments and recognition can seem so petty and weightless. Ambition and achievement, it seems, can only bring so much happiness and satisfaction – maybe that’s why we seek what we seek in our families, our significant others, and our friends. The conventions of society, deeply engraved and inescapable, have me feeling guilty, sad, and regretful. But as selfishly and childishly as I may have acted my entire life, I feel close to my family more than ever.

As I loaded up a rented car with the last of my possessions, along with a few of my sister’s belongings to store in my apartment, my grandmother finally convinced me to take a look at her many plants and to take them with me. A large 14 year-old tree sits in the front yard, potted in a big plastic cylinder with its sinewy trunk and many green leaves. It is a plant that my grandmother has cared for and revived many times from the brink of death. My father says it will be impossible to transport it to Atlanta. “Give it to someone you know,” he says. My grandmother talks about how a kkah wuh it is, an expression of regretfulness at having to give away something so valuable. She thinks she might ask a church friend or maybe the reverend to take it. I eventually take with me the majority of her plants, later figuring out where in the apartment they might look best. I asked my grandmother how often I should water these plants, and she doesn’t give me a straight answer. Her method of tending plants is by touch – she feels the leaves or the soil and waters the plants until she feels that they are nourished. “Not too often,” she says, “Just when you think they need it.” I will miss her garden, her nursery of plants, and the way she hoped for rain on stretches of dry days.

As I looked through my old tests and projects, I came across a folder of papers from my seventh grade English class, taught by a Mr. Stazko. He was an eccentric man – tall, thick-framed glasses, a prominent wart or two on the face, and a slick comb-over. He wore suspenders and colorful suits, and he hunched over slightly, sometimes giving his frame a slightly smaller presence. The year he taught our class was his last year as a teacher. He retired quietly at the end of the year with many of us having no idea of his retirement until much later. I did well in his class, scoring high marks and really wanting to push myself to read and write effectively. I was proud when I received the highest scores on some tests and was praised by Mr. Stazko as “Top Gun” to the rest of the class. He was supportive even when I foolishly chose a Herman Hesse novel to use for my book report essay, a book that was way beyond my scope of understanding at that point. I’d say that he was an influential and impactful figure in my development as a student. He helped to instill the confidence that would later guide me in my academic pursuits. And to wonder where he might be now – maybe enjoying retirement, maybe senile, or maybe no longer alive – more meditations on time and its movements. With every new gain, there’s always something else that’s bound to be lost. And with every new loss, we have all that we’ve gained to cherish.

So That’s What We’ve Been Up To

Tonight, I met up with Wook and Dan – Team Barrel – at Cookshop on Tenth Ave and 20th Street for a “company-sponsored” (tax deductible!) dinner. We went with a nice fruity Spanish white wine, some spicy hominy (think well-spiced popcorn) and grilled Montauk squid for starters, some seafood for entrees (I opted for a light scallop dish, Wook had the black bass, and Dan tried the grouper special), and a good collection of dessert (warm brioche, apricot turnover, raspberry sorbet). We talked big and made many plans, like doubling our fees and finding an office in Manhattan (although there’s always the unspoken sense of – damn, all of this can *poof* go away), but we also had solid conversations about website designs, branding processes, and other work-related topics (like our incredible $100 laser printer purchase off of Craigslist and how to best utilize our new Blackberries). Things feel good when you can talk about what you do and it has that “yeah I’ve been pretty busy” ring to it.

Speaking of which, Wook and I finished updating the Kang & Kim portfolio so people can take a look at what Wook, Dan, and I have done in the past ten months. We’ve kept off some of the more recent clients to include in our new Barrel website (coming soon!), but the K&K portfolio gives you a good sense of who we’ve worked with, the quality of our work, and the design choices we’ve made. Each page has a neat Flash slideshow, so you can get a quick run-through of our efforts without much clicking. Not detailed in our portfolio is the work we’ve done for ColumbiaGroups, our internal project that provided low-cost web and branding solutions to Columbia student groups – probably not the wisest business idea, but a good way to get our name out and try some different designs. And Tailor Made KSA is starting to grow, albeit slowly, as we reach out to more KSAs and do some heavy marketing (thank you Xanga!).

Alright, that’s enough self-promotion for one night. More fun, cool, and good-looking designs to come!

Queens: Weekend Edition

A weekend without a moment spent in Manhattan. I think I’ll call Queens home now.

Friday night, we (me, Melanie, Andy, Reggie, and Anna) decided to patronize the local restaurant scene and opted for Mundo, a hip Turkish/Argentinian joint on Broadway and 32nd Street (no, not the K-town spot, but an Astoria address). The food was unique, the wine was cheap (and tasty), and the service was excellent. I enjoyed the crabmeat and asparagus dip, the Turkish meatballs, the shrimp casserole, and the Turkish dumplings. Highly, highly recommended.

Saturday was a very busy day. We worked hard to prepare for our housewarming party later in the evening as we cleaned, cooked, and put some finishing touches to our humble quarters. Melanie and Reggie came up huge as they took charge of the food preparations – a Mexican themed menu which included beef tacos, roasted vegetables, chicken fajitas, turkey nachos, mango guacamole, and other delicious dishes. I worked with Andy to prepare the red sangria although Melanie later concocted the white sangria that she said was better than mine. John bought two sunflowers – one for his room and one for the living room – which did a great job in brightening up the space. Wook lent his handyman skills as he worked the details of the apartment, nailing down loose wires, painting missed spots, and removing blemishes from the floors. And then the guests came bearing wonderful gifts, mostly of the vino variety (to help populate our beautiful wine fridge), as well as key additions such as the coffeemaker, wine glasses, and decorative pieces for our living room shelf. Thanks to everyone who showed up! It was heartwarming to see the many people who ventured out to Queens – some for the first time – to check out our place. Photos are available in my photo gallery.

Sunday, we began by cleaning up the place, which took us into the afternoon. Melanie made us a tasty beef and vegetable casserole from the previous night’s leftovers and we got to try the coffeemaker with ground coffee beans from Starbucks. The dining table in the living room is quickly becoming a regular part of our lives as we find ourselves eating more and more meals there. We watched Tiger Woods win his second consective British Open and spent our day at a leisurely pace. When dinnertime rolled around, I went shopping for food with Andy as we looked to prepare a steak dinner for me, Andy and Wook. Andy and I whipped up a vegetable dish using asparagus, onions, bell peppers, carrots, and pears and Andy used his Food Network knowledge to season the steak using our limited ingredients. The meal was well complemented with a bottle of Bourgogne red wine that I bought from Columbus Circle Wine & Liquors earlier in the week. We sat together and watched Entourage as well as the last part of the Miss Universe pageant to round out our weekend of relaxation.

It’s a funny feeling I have these days. My life has changed drastically in so many different ways in just the past few weeks. A new residence, a new vocation (or lack of a former one), and exposure to different (although familiar) people. I’m having a great time, and while there’s a bit of am I doing the right thing? floating at the back of my mind, I’m also very grateful that things have turned out so well. Not to be overloaded with feel-good sentiment, but I’d say I’m on a very optimistic streak right now.

And one more thing about Queens. It’s definitely a different pace and scene. The frequent drives around town in Andy’s old Mazda (our “Mazderati”), working out at the grimy gym, the late-night cigarette breaks on the fire escape balcony, and killing the occasional roach for a horrified John are just some of the charming moments I’ve grown to like about my new living situation. I do feel a bit removed from the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, and although I’ll continually find myself going into the City for various reasons, I’m getting used to the idea that I live in an Outer Borough. B&T, that’s right.