today at work, they brought in an assistant professor from stern (b-school at nyu) who specialized in communication in a corporate environment. professor schramm, if i am spelling it correctly, presented to some of the human resources staff members what he would do for NFL employees with his three-session workshop. it was interesting to see what kind of skill sets he proposed to focus on and topics ranged from lower-level employees interacting with superiors, getting/giving feedback, taking a look at different methods of communication, and more. throughout the meeting, having all these “communication skills” listed and explained had me thinking about my own communication ability… or the lack of it.

the more i think about it, i recognize a great deficiency in the way i communicate with others. it’s too embarrassing or almost self-effacing to just list it all here because i might end up feeling cleansed from this blog confessional – buy anyway, i’ll just jot a few points.

1. rushed – i think especially with people i don’t know too well or people who may be “above” me – i.e. professors, supervisors, etc. – i am more concerned about ending the conversation than maintaining it. slow down!

2. lecturing – yes, i am one sanctimonious mofo. i’ve been told that i preach a lot and i lecture people as if i am superior or “know better” when in fact i know jack shit. so yeah, unless it’s like a little kid who is clueless and really really needs guidance, i should just chill out with the condescending, know-it-all approach to communicating.

3. ramble – i like to think that reading a lot has made me more interesting, but i have realized that my inability to articulate (or to regurgitate) the information has made me even less interesting because people can’t follow what i am trying to say. being incoherent and unmemorable renders anything insightful or stimulating in my head pretty useless. i hope my written communication isn’t as convulted, but then again, i’ve seen my AIM convos and they’re just as jumbled and pathetic as well.

i remember when i was in first grade, about 10 months after i had immigrated to the united states from korea – the phone rang at home and i picked it up and answered in korean but could not really understand what the korean person on the other line was saying. i struggled to reply, so my mom took the phone and answered it. she later yelled at me for being an idiot who could no longer understand korean nor speak any english. she was right – it was a tough transition period for me as i forgot korean and struggled to learn english. fifteen years later, i go to an ivy league university and flaunt big words from time to time, but in reality, i’m still awkward, uncomfortable, and unable to communicate effectively. but this time, it’s not a matter of knowing the language — i think it’s just a matter of being honest… to myself… and to everyone else. no further elaboration — i’ll let you speculate — but yeah, a stupid mouth.