it was too humid outside, and i didn’t feel like i would make a difference to anyone by being present for graduation, so i spent most of the day in my room. in just a year, i, too, will be in a baby blue gown with the matching cap and marching in uncomfortable late-may heat to receive my degree. but i guess i need to stop thinking abut myself for a sec and just express some sentimentality.
i’m going to miss the 2004 class and i hope i can retain some of the valuable friendships i’ve made over the past three years. congrats to all – mung, sungmin, danny oppa, barnard honeys cici/tammy/horf/karissa, karl, paul and his entire suite, and some others who made my college experience worthwhile.
sometimes i wish i knew some seniors better so i could’ve partaken in the gift-giving and the mass huggings, but i guess i never did a good enough job of maintaining whatever connection was made with them or perhaps i never really became the kind of friend who does such things. i’m lazy when it comes to taking friendships to the next level, and i guess today is a good day to regret and feel kinda sad about it before i forget and move on. someone was right when she told me i am uncomfortable with myself.
i guess there has to be a point when too much is drawn to the ego-center – when it’s all about how I’m feeling, what I want, or what matters to me. in the sense that nothing matters after i die, i guess putting my immediate interests/thoughts/desires ahead of everything is not such an absurd thing, but in terms of social connections and building lasting personal relationships, it’s self-defeating and actually masochistic to be so self-absorbed. or maybe it’s how i am not as discreet about it. maybe i should just hide it.
congrats to the class of 2004!